I'm sure you've seen several people throw around the words "self care" quite frequently lately and even use them to hashtag photos of themselves in a nice sudsy bath, drinking a green juice, laying on a beach or perhaps even drinking a glass of wine. Though all of these are really nice things you can do for yourself to unwind and treat yourself, the kind of self care we are going to be talking about right now is something else.
What does it mean to care for one self? To many, it looks like abstaining from certain foods and have strict diets and high goals to reach, weekly massages or monthly hair appointments... but at the very foundation of our needs, self care is something entirely different and it doesn't have anything to do with your physical self. The truth is, self care begins with taking care of your emotional, mental and spiritual state. People often focus on their physical state of being and ignore the other ones entirely hoping to bypass them and reach their goals happily as can be. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.
Your spiritual state is the basis of the state of being of all other aspects of you. If you do not tend to that, the other parts will suffer and will never be whole or balanced. They are the roots of your tree.
So, how does one begin to take care of one's spiritual state? This can prove to be difficult for those who have never cared for anything to do with spirituality or who can't seem to spend thoughtful times alone in meditation and contemplation. To take care of your spiritual state you must heal it. In order to heal it, you must discover where it is wounded. In order to do that, you must poke a hole into the wounds to find them. This is a very uncomfortable process that requires a lot of introspective alone time but society has conditioned people to be afraid to see and not want to be in uncomfortable feeling places with our own shadows. We are an avoidant nation. We will fill our gaping wounds with things that are not good for us to distract us from the very things that we need to confront. Yet the wounds grow bigger, the pain, duller.. and our search for happiness becomes more feverish. But that happiness will not be found.. and anything attained will be short lived and we will wonder why that is and why we aren't happy. We'll continue to choose wrong for ourselves. We'll continue to allow relationships that aren't good for us to unfold before us and take up space in our energy field. And we still aren't happy. Not the kind of fulfilling happy that brings you to a higher state of consciousness and joy. In order to get to that point, we must first have unconditional love for self.
How do you have unconditional love for self? It's true that we have been led to believe that if we love ourselves too much and act selfishly that we are just conceited and narcissistic but the two have absolutely nothing to do with what self care and love for self really means. Yes, it is true that having some degree of narcissism may be healthy but it is important to not confuse the idea of self love with the ways that people who are narcissistic and self centered act. Self care is not selfishness. I think it's important to say that because by definition, selfishness has a complete disregard for others. Self care does not treat others badly or less than or with disregard in order to achieve something for yourself. Self care is being kind to yourself and creating a sacred space for yourself to grow love, create boundaries and facilitate healing while still respecting others. Also, just to be clear, actual Narcissists do not, in actuality, have unconditional love for themselves. It is quite the opposite. The amount of self loathing they have is so much that it spills out into every aspect of their life. But, I digress..
For many of us, putting ourselves first or knowing our true emotions is something completely foreign to us. Perhaps we were raised in an environment that left no room for your feelings at all so, we were taught to bury those aspects; to forget about them. Then, we spend our lives repeating cycles over and over again until we learn the lessons and which, in turn, show us how to address all those very important parts of us that we have left buried all this time. The first step is always the most important one. It's the one that puts us on the right path. You will see that the universe will put things in your path to help you on your journey if you are ready to do the work. If not, then the universe will put things in your path to help you learn the lessons. Often times, it takes for us to be at our lowest point to finally see the truth.. in all our bare and naked vulnerable glory. It is when we are finally in this state that we can see clearer. Stripped down and broken and removed from all.. and once the dust settles, we can start to pick up the pieces, except, this time, it will be different. You'll have a knowing that everything you've done is not enough and that there is more. You'll have a yearning to find out what it is. You'll put yourself first.. and for some, this might be the first time you're doing so. You'll start fresh, from scratch without knowing where to start but that's okay. You will be guided to what you'll need. You'll start to heal the parts of you that for some, have been broken since childhood and from past lives even. You'll learn how to be much more selective with who enters your space, who you give your time to and what you want to spend your energy on. You'll get to meet and know the parts of you that you never knew existed. You'll be vulnerable and open and it will be new and scary but exciting and lovely. You'll treat yourself tenderly and kindly as you would your 5 year old self and from here on out, you will only ever speak to yourself as if you are speaking to the 5 year old you. You learn what boundaries are and you put them in place. You release old patterns and habits that used to soothe you, comfort you and keep you in your dysfunctional cycles; you'll remove people, items, thoughts, foods, anything you find to be low vibrational that impedes your ability to love yourself more.. because now, you have that 5 year old version of you in tow and they're the most important person to you. You choose better. You see better. You live better. You are determined to become the best version of yourself. You're important and you finally see it and understand it. Most importantly, you finally feel it. You feel love for yourself. So much so, that you wouldn't compromise your peace for others. You'll know how long and hard it took for you to achieve this state that you wouldn't sacrifice it for anything or anyone. You will be kind and send love to others and understand the value of everything but you will always put your care first and foremost because you are the most important person in your life forever and for always.
This isn't an easy journey by any means and it certainly isn't a short one. This is a journey that will span many lifetimes and though it may seem difficult at times, you'll know that the alternative comes at much too high a cost. But I can tell you this.. it is definitely an incredibly rewarding and fulfilling journey and the pure joy and love you attain is so incredibly worth it. It will be so worth it that you won't ever dream of having it any other way.
So, I hope you start your journey today and if you are already well into your journey, congratulations!
One thing I know for sure is that the journey of loving your self is the most important one you will embark on.
I wish you much love and success on your travels. :)
~Giusi
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